SAVE ME STEPHEN!!

In Esquire Magazine this month comes this story that answers the question, "Whatever happened to that amazing talented actor Stephen Baldwin?" ...well, he wrote a book about finding God and how he became one of those really annoying people that claim that all of your problems could be solved, if only you brought "you know who" into your life.

"Hope you haven't recently eaten anything, it may come up."

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You can learn a lot from Stephen Baldwin. Maybe not about quality acting or the downside of nepotism, but balls-out evangelism? The man will change your life.

Since finding Christ after the September 11 attacks, Baldwin's nurtured a unique kind of religious conviction, one that's equal parts scripture and Mountain Dew Code Red. He talks about it, and why you should find it, too, in his new book, The Unusual Suspect: My Calling to the New Hardcore Movement of Faith (Warner Faith, $24). Pull up a pew.

ON SPIRITUALITY: "And trust me, I had the 2001 Porsche Twin Turbo. That car would do zero to 60 in three seconds, but it was nothing but a little kid pedal car compared to the wild ride the Spirit will take you on."

ON HUMILITY:" 'But let me just tell you,' I screamed at God. 'You better be real, because if you aren't, you will regret the day you ever messed with Stephen Baldwin.' "

ON PLEASURES OF THE FLESH: "I like to ask friends of mine, happy couples who seem to have a pretty good marriage, I will ask them, 'How's your sex life?'...They will say something like pretty good or okay or no complaints here. Here's what I tell them: Imagine taking a healthy sex life and inviting the power of God into that exchange."

ON VENGEANCE: "Here I'd always imagined Jesus was the sweet, cuddly, loving dude, and suddenly I find out he makes Conan the Barbarian look like Conan the wimp. He didn't come with a guitar singing Kum Ba Yah. Jesus brought a sword to the earth, and he is still swinging it."

ON PROSELYTIZING: "God has called me to go and make disciples of the youth of America. That is what I am going to do, and if you try to stop me, I am going to break your face."